Taking Back Toad Hall: Weasel-Fighting Tools

Political pundit Rex Murphy on what happens when a politician is truthful

Tired of the verbal gymnastics government and marketers use to confuse you? Why not give them a taste of their own pharmaceuticals?

Courtesy amazon.co.uk

I took on weasel words and Humpty Dumptyism in an earlier post. Insidious, but ubiquitous, how can they be spotted? Take a gander at Don Watson's Weasel Words website for some examples. You might even be inspired to purchase one of his books. I'd be tempted to investigate this one on the basis of its great cover illustration. Think Badger can be fooled by crocodile tears from weasels and stoats? Think again. These were the barbarians who, against all decency, trashed Toad Hall in The Wind in the Willows.

Friendship after the deluge.
Courtesy amazon.co.uk

This large print edition may not be for you, but however you size it The Wind in the Willows isn't just for kids. There's much to admire about ethics and friendship here. Written in 1908, by the Secretary of the Bank of England, it was nominated 16th in the 2003 BBC Big Read. A wonderful book with meaning for all generations. Some catchy ditties too.

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Be your community's Badger, it's not just Toad Hall at stake this time!  Here are a few tools to help you on your way:

Postmodern philosophy, has a habit of attracting derision. It certainly doesn't qualify as easy reading. That's why The Postmodernist Generator, described by Richard Dawkins as "a virtuoso piece of computer programming", could spit me out absolute nonsense disguised as a  professional article. Entitled Reinventing Constructivism: Marxist capitalism and neomodernist narrative included this drivel:

"However, in The Last Words of Dutch Schultz, Burroughs deconstructs the postcapitalist paradigm of discourse; in Port of Saints he affirms Marxist capitalism. The main theme of the works of Burroughs is not, in fact, narrative, but prenarrative."

Marxist capitalism? Prenarrative? Big words and lots of meaningless jargon. Sounds great to me, so long as I'm not the recipient of this stuff.

Why not give it a go and let the Generator provide you some great inspiration?

Worried about not taken seriously because you don't walk the walk and talk the talk? The Ready Reckoner for Business Writing promises help "that will numb your readers' minds". The logistically similar Buzzword Bingo encourages subversivism to "take back the English language". It comes with handy game rules. A wonderful opportunity to let off steam with friends!

Courtesy amazon.ca

As the husband tells us in Julian Barnes' Love, Etc, it doesn't matter whether you understand my insult, it can be enough that I do. Read the book and see how true this is for yourself. This portrait of a love triangle from each player's standpoint, will keep you thinking long after you put it down.

Lost for words? Try the Oxymoron List, with its alphabetically ordered myriad of corkers. Imagine your enjoyment after your employment of "amateur expert", "Civil servant", "government organization", "Microsoft Works", "no comment", "public service", "unbiased opinion", and their friends.

Wrap it up with a bow on top by honing your reasoning skills with Bad Arguments, the argument analysis skills tester. A double-edged sword, you'll be spotting the porkies in no time and have morphed into an economic whiz with the truth¹.

Not to be used on children, at least, not your own.

Having problems seeing the forest for the trees? Here's some TLC from Rick Mercer with advice on softening and smoothing your world:

I once had a friend allergic to newspaper ink. It was either the oven or the iron for her.

It's high time loins were girded and the creep of categorical inaccuracy stopped in its tracks. Down with language that allows a hospital cleaner to be known as a Patient Support Officer² Join in the struggle to keep the weasels out of Toad Hall!

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Notes
¹ "To be economical with the truth", ie, lie.
² " 'Queensland Health has advertised for a Patient Support Officer. Sounds like a counsellor, social worker, advocate, etc. It is in fact a cleaner.' (thanks to Tim Goodwin)" from Weasel Words' Advertising Crimes page.

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Books mentioned

• Watson's Dictionary of Weasel Words, Contemporary Cliches, Cant & Management Jargon
• The Wind in the Willows
• Love, Etc